Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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