Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
