how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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