JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
