omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
