I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
