at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize