You just made me feel so damn special
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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