You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
