Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i now understand why vodka
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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