you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
