Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
