I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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