Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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