just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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