I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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