Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
