I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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