I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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