If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
