we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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