we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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