Cold hands, warm shart.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
