Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
3 2 1 whiskey
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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