Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
