Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
