you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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