I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
