He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
