just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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