I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
