am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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