woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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