Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
