Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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