Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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