i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's shark week go big or go home
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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