it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
