Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
