I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
