I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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