my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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