nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
