we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
