Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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