What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he thought i was a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
