did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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