i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
