Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
