there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
