the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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