I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's never too late to be topless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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