i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
