I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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