btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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