I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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