GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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