i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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