just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
