I wanna bring you to show and tell
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
