Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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