he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
